Love: Is there a bad one, really?

 A friend was recently bemoaning the relationship of another friend who had moved away to be with a woman he loved. There were many reasons to dislike the situation: children from a previous relationship, socioeconomic differences, and an unsettled financial situation for all of them. Did I mention he moved away?

It made me marvel at the power of love. The friend in love has literally thrown everything away from his old life to be with someone. It's astonishing: I can't get people to change their ways when it makes total sense; slow down the drinking, stop spending money you don't have, get a job, clean up your life, get a haircut. No amount of logic can make a person initiate personal change, because they don't WANT to change. 

Enter love. 

Suddenly, the question becomes, what do I have to change about myself to be with that person?

To the friend who's not in love, it looks like it's going to end badly. But how bad could it be? Love is making your friend want to change for the better!

It made me wonder how I could bring that power to change into my own life, and then I realized I already have. I have built my life around another person - many of my old friends, habits, and pastimes are gone. I am still deeply flawed, but I keep trying to improve myself for her. She is all I need. Her happiness is the most essential thing in the world to me. It makes my life very simple. I only have to worry about Christmas presents for one person!

Sure, it's poorly ended before. There's plenty of evidence that bad love is a destructive force, leaving a trail of wreckage, ruin, and sorrow. But two true hearts can conquer anything, build an empire, or paint color in an unimaginably miserable world. I wish the friend who's complaining about losing a friend would find someone to make his world revolve around and find happiness for himself.  


 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2 - Character Defects of the ADD Adult

The "Character Defects" of ADD Unreliable - Doesn't follow through on promises Late - for meetings, classes, projects, bills Liar - Can't count on an accurate statement - incorrect memory of events Doing the Wrong Task - Incompetent or Disorganized Lazy - Doesn't do assignments Daydreamer - Seems to not pay attention Trouble - Impulsive poor decisions Forgetful - Misplacing items, missing appointments Bad with Money - Late Payments, Bounced Checks  Slow - Pace of work lags others We all strive to have "good character," behaving morally and responsibly in society. Behaving in any of the listed ways reflects poorly on your moral fiber. These are viewed as character flaws. However, these are all behaviors of an ADHD person.  This is at the core of the problems ADDs face, because we get feedback that we are "bad" people. As my son once said, "I suck at life." This compounds the frustration we feel about why we can't do the things othe...
Read more

2 Years After Hurricane Ian, Milton Looks Worse

Image
10/10/24 - 6:00 am EST  - Neighbor posting a video of the storm in his canal. The top river height was reported at 12.30 am, and it was 6.55 over the flood stage, which was 1.43 ft over Helene. 10/9/24 - 5:45pm EST  - Storm Surge starting to come in: Water coming on to the causeway entrance - McGregor Blvd. This canal is one block over from our house. The surge has just come up over the seawall on the house across the canal to the left.  Sanibel Harbour - Surge coming up over fixed docks. The Marriott is where the Weather Channel is broadcasting. You can see the waves licking over onto the pool deck.   10/9/24 - 5:00pm EST —Update from NOAA: Thankfully, the inundation is decreasing. However, Tropical storm-force winds remain.  No water on McGregor going to causeway. 5:00pm EST 10/9/24 10/9/24 - 3:45pm EST - Water splashing over the docks at Sanibel Harbor Marina (Sanibel Causeway) 10/9/24 - 2:45pm EST— A 2 o'clock update to the forecast dramatically reduces...
Read more

4-ADD is an incorrect moniker - I have plenty of attention - it's a concentration deficit - Solution DO IT NOW

It's not that I can't pay attention; I am super sensitive to all kinds of things pulling my attention. I pay attention to many things at once. In fact, when you google "how to improve attention," you don't get much - what you learn is how to GET someone's attention. The correct diagnosis is Concentration deficit.  DO IT NOW When I analyze my ADD and procrastination, it comes down to fear of a hard task. I choose easy, transactional tasks to feel like I am doing things, but the truth is that all tasks are hard. The transactional tasks are not productive. So I vow to take a task, DO IT THEN, and do not stop until it is done. Half-finished is un-done HALF-FINISHED IS UN DONE You know what I mean if you have ever picked up someone else's half-finished work and tried to finish it. You are really starting anew. It's not different when you are an ADD, and you leave a piece of work undone. You spend just as much time getting back into it, seeing what is done a...
Read more