2 - Character Defects of the ADD Adult

The "Character Defects" of ADD

• Unreliable - Doesn't follow through on promises
• Late - for meetings, classes, projects, bills
• Liar - Can't count on an accurate statement - incorrect memory of events
• Doing the Wrong Task - Incompetent or Disorganized
• Lazy - Doesn't do assignments
• Daydreamer - Seems to not pay attention
• Trouble - Impulsive poor decisions
• Forgetful - Misplacing items, missing appointments
• Bad with Money - Late Payments, Bounced Checks 
• Slow - Pace of work lags others

We all strive to have "good character," behaving morally and responsibly in society. Behaving in any of the listed ways reflects poorly on your moral fiber. These are viewed as character flaws. However, these are all behaviors of an ADHD person. 

This is at the core of the problems ADDs face, because we get feedback that we are "bad" people. As my son once said, "I suck at life." This compounds the frustration we feel about why we can't do the things other people do so easily and simply. Depending on the ADDs personality this can lead to a host of other behaviors which are not as easy to deal with. 

Dropping Out

Depression and Anxiety

Alcohol and Drug Use

Unreliable

My headmaster wrote in my Senior evaluation, "If I tell Tom to fetch a pail of water, I have no idea what he'll bring back." 

I was on the PR team of the touring musical, and the marketing director kept coming back and asking me "what did you tell this person?" I was saying things that I had heard, but they weren't coming out the way I thought they were. I would react defensively. This would often make me trade back what I was saying, and I realize now I was acting as if I had done something wrong. It made me feel badly about myself. 

Late

I am chronically late. Lateness is another hallmark of unreliability. People want you to turn the work in on time. People want you to be on time for an appointment. I've learned

Liar

Lying (or embellishment, deflection and omission) was something I did to cover up my ADD symptoms 

Doing the wrong task

"Ta-Da!! It's done!!! Here you go!" Realizing I had done the wrong task when the grade comes back. A 3 page essay where I answered the wrong question: F. Getting the problem right, but missing a step, so the answer is wrong. 

Bad with Money and Planning

Day Dreamer

Trouble

Forgetful

Changing the Role You've Been Cast In.

ADD "Character Flaws" are actually strengths if you can turn them to your advantage

But you must understand that they may manifest differently in each person. The emotional cycle - event-response-symptom - may have complicated underpinnings. 

For me and many of my friends and colleagues who have ADD, the issues all have one common symptom - they make it difficult to fit in and perform in the modern world. In some cases, you can teach yourself to overcome the symptoms using strategies or techniques. In other cases, to overcome this you have to refute the role you assume you play, or that you've been shown or told you'll play, in the world.

ADD and Video Games 

Video game addiction among ADHDs provides evidence of the biggest contradiction of attention deficit. How can you become so absorbed in something - sitting for hours at the exclusion of everything else - yet be unable to engage in a task that requires completion over an hour? 

In fact, video games provide the clue to managing some of the academic and workplace functioning challenges that ADHDs have; Frequent rewards, progressive challenges, and an environment that tunes out distractions.