Occupation: Dreamer

My friend Kent died last week. He'd been sick for a little more than a year. Before he died, he wrote me a really touching note about how my friendship had given him a real opportunity to enjoy having a simple connection with another human being. It made me think about how grateful I am that I don't drink anymore because I could make him a priority - reach out to him, check in regularly, and get his other friends to reach out to him, too. That's something I wouldn't have thought about while drinking because my primary goal in life was holding things together and trying to keep the world - bills, marriage, kids, business - from imploding. I wouldn't say that I wasn't a good friend, but I couldn't think about what other people were going through daily. I was self-centered. This was complicated because drinking - whether a little or a lot - meant some of my time was spent inebriated, and some time was spent recovering from it. I already didn't have enough t...

The "Character Defects" of ADD Unreliable - Doesn't follow through on promises Late - for meetings, classes, projects, bills Liar - Can't count on an accurate statement - incorrect memory of events Doing the Wrong Task - Incompetent or Disorganized Lazy - Doesn't do assignments Daydreamer - Seems to not pay attention Trouble - Impulsive poor decisions Forgetful - Misplacing items, missing appointments Bad with Money - Late Payments, Bounced Checks  Slow - Pace of work lags others We all strive to have "good character," behaving morally and responsibly in society. Behaving in any of the listed ways reflects poorly on your moral fiber. These are viewed as character flaws. However, these are all behaviors of an ADHD person.  This is at the core of the problems ADDs face, because we get feedback that we are "bad" people. As my son once said, "I suck at life." This compounds the frustration we feel about why we can't do the things othe...

It's not that I can't pay attention; I am super sensitive to all kinds of things pulling my attention. I pay attention to many things at once. In fact, when you google "how to improve attention," you don't get much - what you learn is how to GET someone's attention. The correct diagnosis is Concentration deficit.  DO IT NOW When I analyze my ADD and procrastination, it comes down to fear of a hard task. I choose easy, transactional tasks to feel like I am doing things, but the truth is that all tasks are hard. The transactional tasks are not productive. So I vow to take a task, DO IT THEN, and do not stop until it is done. Half-finished is un-done HALF-FINISHED IS UN DONE You know what I mean if you have ever picked up someone else's half-finished work and tried to finish it. You are really starting anew. It's not different when you are an ADD, and you leave a piece of work undone. You spend just as much time getting back into it, seeing what is done a...

10/10/24 - 6:00 am EST  - Neighbor posting a video of the storm in his canal. The top river height was reported at 12.30 am, and it was 6.55 over the flood stage, which was 1.43 ft over Helene. 10/9/24 - 5:45pm EST  - Storm Surge starting to come in: Water coming on to the causeway entrance - McGregor Blvd. This canal is one block over from our house. The surge has just come up over the seawall on the house across the canal to the left.  Sanibel Harbour - Surge coming up over fixed docks. The Marriott is where the Weather Channel is broadcasting. You can see the waves licking over onto the pool deck.   10/9/24 - 5:00pm EST —Update from NOAA: Thankfully, the inundation is decreasing. However, Tropical storm-force winds remain.  No water on McGregor going to causeway. 5:00pm EST 10/9/24 10/9/24 - 3:45pm EST - Water splashing over the docks at Sanibel Harbor Marina (Sanibel Causeway) 10/9/24 - 2:45pm EST— A 2 o'clock update to the forecast dramatically reduces...

In a recent article dated January 8, 2024, David Leonhardt of The New York Times delved into an intriguing correlation: students who excel in standardized tests like the SAT/ACT often also have higher college GPAs. This finding prompts a vital question in the realm of education: What do these metrics truly measure? The responses posted to the article (so overwhelming that the NYT closed the comments within 24 hours of publication) show that people lifted up by SATs really appreciated the opportunity and did well in college. For me, this belies the problem. Do you really get a better education at Harvard than Nebraska? I got an excellent education, even though I had to drop out of NYU because of funding problems. My grades were terrible - I had a 2.0 - but I wrestled on the college team, wrote for the school newspaper, worked on film crews for students in the film department, organized music events, and made some lifelong friends.  Robert Pirsig's "Zen and the Art of Motorcycl...

Maybe you've stood at a party struggling to make conversation... In an elevator... At work... Often feeling like the words are just filling air. Awkward. Looking for something that you might have in common so that it can be a real connection with another person.  Not everyone feels like this among others, but I often do. Especially when I was younger.  But not with Kent. For whatever reason every conversation with Kent was real; important, relevant, smart. I needed that. I was an outsider, and I'd found another outsider, and when I was with him I was an insider. When you're young, you take these things for granted a little. As I get older I realize i don't make new friends as easily. Suddenly, there I was in middle age, counting my friends on my hands. There was Kent, accidentally close by in Florida.  There's that moment when I start to reach out to someone with whom the tides of time have created distance where I ask myself "Should I?" because maybe they...